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Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

  • Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
  • Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
  • "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
  • Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
  • Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
  • Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.
  • Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
  • Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
  • Darn, there go the lights again...
  • "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.
  • Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  • Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off...
  • What's this doing here?
  • I hate it when they're missing stuff in here...
  • That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
  • I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
  • Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
  • Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
  • What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
  • Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
  • OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
  • This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
  • Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
  • Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
  • What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
  • She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!
  • FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!
  • Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
  • Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie
  • Sterile, shmerle. The floor's clean, right?
  • Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?
  • And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the
    body of the ape.

Author Unknown

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor:
"It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side)
"And when I press here" (pressing the other side)
"And here" (his leg)
"And here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms)

So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong...
"You've got a broken finger!"


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